THE LAUREN PROJECT • I’ve now decided it’s not possible to say...

I’ve now decided it’s not possible to say ‘bukkake’ during a burp. The ‘ka’ interrupts the continuity of it, something with your vocal chords, and it just doesn’t sound as cool as I thought.

a friend who I promised I wouldn’t name

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Hi, I'm Lauren. Don't underestimate my ability to overshare.

What People Are Saying About And To Me:

"You have too many blogs. There's no way that many people care what you think." -friend

"Stop posting everything I say on tumblr!" -same friend

"I swear if you post one more thing about me on your blog I'm reporting you to HR." -former coworker

"Vulgar...yet thrilling." -Chad

"Go 'head girl, go 'head, get down." -Kanye

"I bet you think you're soooooooo cool." -a lot of different people

"That's not office-appropriate." -company president at my last job

"Do you still have that stash of ketchup packets?" -roommate

"Your jokes are dumb." -former lover

"Was that supposed to be funny?" -current lover

"It's called a *typeface,* you savage!" -Vincent

"Why do you insist on embarrassing me like this?" -my mother

"But you don't look Japanese." -pretty much everyone

"ええ, 何とか..." -me

"Not everyone is elitist like you! Some people HATE English!" -some Esperantists I angered

"I think her tweets are mostly DM fails. -Reece

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